The first note

[lifesmarvels]

Title: The notes from Erik
Fandom: X-Men, The Journey's End
Pairing: Erik/Charles, Erik/Raven, others maybe later
Genre: WWI AU
Rating: These are letters and this is war, I don't think there's going to be any sexy times, but like I said this is war so I'd say NC-17 for blood and everything else that happens at the war.
Word Count: 808 (this thing)
Summary: Erik and Charles version of the play we went to see yesterday. It goes kind of AU from about the middle, because afterwards we really needed to fix it.

Disclaimer: This author doesn't own X-Men or The Journey's End and any of the characters portrayed in this story. Erik's not mine, Charles' not mine, Rayleigh's not mine, Dennis' not mine and not anyone else either. I like happy endings so obviously none of them is mine.

Author's note: Okay, the_me09. The ball is in your court, darling.
ETA1: Now with more words and proper grammar, yahoo! 


The war changed him. He knew it and everyone that have known him from the start of his commandment knew it. He was seen with the bottle more often than without it. He yelled at soldiers without real reason. He knew it. But he couldn't help it. It was that or go completely insane. Sometimes, he though it didn't really help, he was already insane. For the most part, he didn't think about the life he left behind. He couldn't. To remember was to long for and from here there was only one step to desertion. Or to fake injury like in the case of that damn McCoy. 

And then came Charles. Charles, who was younger than him, who always looked up to him, whose family practically engaged him to his sister. He didn't really care about marriage one way or the other, he knew he wasn't going to go back from the war, but it was nice to think during bad hours that someone is waiting for you. Unfortunately, whoever it was that she is waiting for, doesn't exist any longer. And now Charles came and he was going to get himself killed. Erik just knew it in his gut. Charles with all his smiles and his hope and his naivety... Erik wanted him to go back, needed him to go back. There was a long time since he cared about anyone enough to worry, when they go out on duty. The only one who came close to evoke any emotions like that in him was Osborn, but in his case Erik at least could be sure that the old man knew what he was doing. Charles didn't. 

Really, Erik just didn't want him to get killed. So he was rude. He was cruel. He was worst to him than to any other man in his battalion. And Charles had an audacity to still call him his friend. And he knew it, because he read the private letter from him to Raven. He felt like shit afterwards, but how could he know what was inside? He told Uncle that he wanted to make sure Raven's not going to hear anything bad about him, but... But he wanted to know if Charles hates him already. But he doesn't. He wrote about him as if they were still back at school. This is no longer him, that man that Charles so adores. So the idea to write to him seemed like a good one, after few drinks. In the morning, he wanted to burn it. What the hell had he been thinking? But then there was an alarm, he had to go and when he came back, the note was gone. He tried not to think much about it. Maybe one of the men threw it away. Or Mason took it with him to the kitchen. Or it just got lost. Nothing to worry about really.

Then why was he so nervous?

Charles,

Why are you here? Haven't you heard of everything that's happening here? Have you no survival instinct? Why did you choose my battalion? The one that is always send to the front lines, one that gets the hardest, the most dangerous missions. Why? Why me? Are you still harbouring that silly hero worship you had for me three years ago when we were still young? When I was not such a...soldier. I changed. War changes everyone. I don't want it to change you. I liked that you were so happy, so carefree, so naïve. War is going to change it, why are you letting it? Why did you come here on your own violation when you must have heard all the stories about atrocities going on around us? WHY ARE YOU HERE? I don't want you here, I don't want to be reminded that there is a world outside the front lines, I don't want to be reminded about caring for someone, I don't want to worry about you constantly, I don't want you to be hurt, I don't want you to become like me... There is a lot of things that I don't want. Main of them connect to you being here with me. It's not supposed to happen. You're a sole heir of your family, an aristocrat, why did they send you here? Didn't they understand? Didn't you tell them? I can't.... I don't deal with things well anymore. To everything I react with anger. I'm a drunkard, no matter what pretty words my man use for that, this is true. I can't deal with reality, so I look for the way in a bottle of whisky. Most of the time, I can't look myself in the face anymore. And yet, you dare to call me your friend still. That man that you knew is long dead. 

Your friend is dead. Accept it.

Erik.