lifesmarvels: (sam killing with brain)
I swear to God that if my sister tell me one more time that I act like teenager emo I WILL end her.
That is exactly problem with our daily society - the problems of psyche are so uncommon and sometimes not even exactly true that when someone has a real problem they're just brushing it off as something not important. I kind of hate it. Especially since it's me that has a problem. But I'm not going to go into details here, I have a therapist for that and she's an amazing women who clearly opens my eyes to the things that I'd rather not see - you know, ignorance is bliss and what not - but that will also possibly help with handling my life in the future when I'll be completely self-sufficient.
I still haven't written to the women from scholarship and I kind of hate myself for that, but it's not that I'm still scared. It's more of a matter that I don't know what to write to her. I have no idea what part of my life would make me more worthy getting they're support than hundreds of other students writing to them. I'll have to think of it really hard. And in the near future.

And to make the matter worse, I didn't have the time (and guts) to watch new episodes of SPN. My place in the house is occupied by my mum's off and on boyfriend and I had to install myself in my old room (read - in my sisters room) which not only doesn't have TV good enough to connect to my laptop (I gave up watching anything on it long time ago - too small monitor) but also has my sister in it - which isn't doing anything to improve my mood.
But I did watch the Weekend's at Bobby's sometime ago and even if I didn't write commentary - I'm not sure if I will - I loved it so much that even a thought about it makes me squeel in delight. I love Jim Beaver <3

That's all for now, gtg, bye :)

Dream

Oct. 15th, 2010 09:53 pm
lifesmarvels: (j2 mine)
I had the strangest dream today. Not only I wasn't even in it but from what I can remember (and surprisingly I can remember quite a lot) the main stars was Jared and Jensen. I haven't had a dream about celebrities since I was around 13 years old and that was 5 years ago. I can't recall every detail (obviously - that's a common problem with dreams) but I know that it revolved around them trying to save someone important in dreams world (hell if I remember exactly who it was) which transformed into saving the whole world from the apocalypse brought on Earth by an evil half-woman, half-broccoli (I swear I like these, I really do!) and her army of minions who were plants of some sorts but looked like ordinary people. There was Bobby who kind of was a leader of the research stuff and find out about where the evil queen is and how to kill her. And Mary. Winchester. Who later kind of ended up being Bobby's girlfriend. Never before I thought about that pairing but it really would be cute. She sat beside his bed in hospital after an attack of some viscous plant-people that infected him with some sort of alien mutated virus which made his head go extremely big and purple, every time he opened his mouth his now enormous tongue would loll out and it was full of strange symbols. I'm pretty sure he got healthy once the evil was killed but while the weird illness lasted it was quite a sight. The adventure started with J2 being pirates on a ship in a mountains by the way which alone is pretty crazy. They found the lair, got in the fight with the newest line of minions and in the meantime there was this queens favourite - a girl (real bitch, very arrogant and full of shit) with brown hair and in glasses who died in quite gruesome way. I mean, by this point I knew (actually I realized that only after waking up, but still) that something is wrong with my subconscious, but I made Jensen rip her head off with his bare hands. Yeah, I know that she was really a plant, but seriously I was grossed out and highly disturbed by remembering that bit a whole day. And there was the ending scene. When Jensen was a hero who saved Jared from the evil broccoli chasing him. On a line. Like a Tarzan. In a middle of some kind of cave. Yeah, I kind of know. And that's a last bit which made my friend laugh so hard when I told her about it that she almost fell off a chair in a maths class (fortunately a teacher was absent). I'm pretty sure that was because I can't get the image of half-dressed, sweaty, muscular Jared as Sam in 6.03 out of my head. And that beat of local news about the politic who wanted to make people vote for him in elections by giving them free carrots on the street. Just because his last name is 'Marchewka' which means carrot in Polish. His slogan is "Every Carrot is good for you" XD. But back to the point, I'm sure you can guess when I'm heading with this. Yes, I made the evil queen change Jay into half-carrot. Naked half-carrot. There wasn't really much more to see than on a show considering that his lower half was a carrot stick, but he was all orange and jumpy when he tried to escaped the queen. Good for him, her lower half was a broccoli.
Yes, I know I should go to the shrink. That's exactly what I'm doing every Wednesday.

BTW - I decided that I'll be writing her whenever I fell like it, about variety of things. Sometime it would be something like this, sometime some recipe that I found especially yummy (I love baking and most of the things works out when I'm making them ;)), sometime it will be my reaction to episode of some show I watch (most often than not it will probably be Supernatural), sometime something from my life and if I stop being so lazy maybe even my writing.

Well, that's all I have for today. Bye, bye =D
lifesmarvels: (made it to keyboard)
The title of the post shamelessly copied from the T-shirt I'm wearing currently 'cause I decided that it's cool. At least the saying is 'cause apparently whoever operates heaven right now decided to boil us all in our very own skins. It's nearly 40 degree of Celsius outside now which is for Poland summer extremely high, we don't get so high temperatures usually, but this doesn't seem to matter right now. My brain is one big melty goo and every time I'm trying to write something (and I am, for the first time since about a year) it ends as something literally, grammatically and all kinds of things incorrect. So I gave up. For now. Something has been bugging me for some time and is rare occurrence that plot bunny came to me so I have to hurry up and do something with it or it will just decide to leave and that would be a shame.
The electrical fan is working since morning on the highest power and I suddenly realized that it's not fair that the air conditioning is forbidden to install in our apartment. Stupid corporations and theirs stupid CEOs.
If I won't succeed in writing anything I'm going to watch the episodes of SPN that I have left. I stopped about ninth episode in fifth season 'cause I got to emotional and my mom told me that till I won't get a grip of myself she's banning me from using her TV. Stupid mom. And if not I'm just going to melt.

OH GOD! I NEED ICE OR SOMETHING OR I'M JUST GOING TO DIE!!!!
ASDFGRGREF@#@%$^%

Oh, and by the way: yesterday I bought (and paid a little to much in comparison to how much I could pay in just another shop) Assassins Creed II. If someone's have tips to the game, please feel free to share.

One more thing: If this song keeps playing over and over again I'm going to go and kill something 'cause I already can't get rid of it from my head x(
lifesmarvels: (ichigo god)
I just realized that for millions of hours I'm spending every day on livejournal, I haven't exactly written anything in, well.... a long time. Not that nothing interesting happened. I think it's because of more my laziness and inability to write a proper sentence when I'm not really feeling like that, but whatever. What's in past, is in past and I'm writing right friggin now sooo..... yeah.

From the last time I wrote the school year ended of course which is totally awesome fact and nothing can persuade me otherwise. (Well maybe the thing that for the most time I cannot for my life tell what day it is - for some unfathomable reason it always Wednesday for me.)  I'm just sitting there, doing nothing and not caring of a thing in the world. Well, maybe that's not true. I still have to eat and clean the house 'cause my mom says so. But beside that I'm just relaxing, reading tons of fics and watching Supernatural. And drinking non-alcoholic, caramel beer - which is epic. Seriously.

Speaking of epic and of fiction - I've read recently the most amazing work of literature someone without the writer license could conjure. Really. It's called "The Assumption of the Winchesters (Plus Bobby)" - even the title is awesome. It's posted on deancastiel community and anyone who's fan of SPN should go and read it and I'm sure they're going to love it.
Oh, what the hell. Here, have a link: community.livejournal.com/deancastiel/1619118.html It'll be easier for you to read and love it that way.

Read )

Yep, I think it'll be the end for today. I kind of drained myself on the last part and it's not cool.
lifesmarvels: (sam fanfiction)
So I finally reread and rewrite the CG meme that I did some time ago. I'm pretty sure there's still plenty of mistakes but I can't see them myself and I don't have anyone to check it for me so it have to stay as it is now. Not to mention something with the format constantly goes wrong and it looks like shit. I'm quite exasperated because of this. I've been trying to fix it for nearly an hour but without any effect.
From the other news I've been going to the therapist for some time now and I think she made a breakpoint recently on my opinion on myself. She help me realize that I'm not an hopeless idiot and gave me confidence to reach for my dreams. Because of her I'm nearly sure that I'll try to enter some university in Britain even though it'll require lots of work from me and it'll be my first so risky decision in life. I'll think about it some more but I probably won't change my mind.
Recently I got into Supernatural fandom and watched whole Season 4, some episodes from Season 5 and have planned to start all over again like any normal person from season 1.
I started planning the family dinner for my 18th birthday and realized that I'll have to make two 'cause of number of my family members. I just hope that my dad will come.
On that depressing note I'm ending and going back to reading SPN fiction.

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