lifesmarvels | The third note (Reply)

Title: The notes from Erik
Fandom: X-Men, The Journey's End
Pairing: Erik/Charles, Erik/Raven, Sean/Raven
Genre: WWI AU
Rating: These are letters and this is war, I don't think there's going to be any sexy times, but like I said this is war so I'd say NC-17 for blood and everything else that happens at the war.
Word Count: 1140 (this note)
Summary: Erik and Charles as soldiers on the front of World War I as described by the play "Journey's End" by R.C.Sherriff.

Disclaimer: This author doesn't own X-Men or The Journey's End and any of the characters portrayed in this story. Erik's not mine, Charles' not mine, Rayleigh's not mine, Dennis' not mine and not anyone else either. I like happy endings so obviously none of them is mine.

Author's note: And once again, your move the_me09

Erik wasn’t sure what woke him. Maybe it was the unusual quiet outside, maybe Mason in the kitchen dropped something. But he knew that there was no going back to sleep for him. Not with the damned raid hanging over his head and the realization that he failed once again. In standing up for his people, in protecting them, in taking the burden on himself. Now he’ll have to live with the knowledge that he sent two of his dearest friends to their deaths. He had no illusions about the ending of the raid, not even one of the liked succeeded completely, but he’d give the Germans the satisfaction of being victorious ten times over if that meant that he’ll see all his men tomorrow afternoon coming back to him alive and well. That he’ll see Charles coming back alive.

At the first signs of the moisture in his eyes he turned around with a curse and reaches to wipe his eyes roughly. There was a crumpling of paper and something softly falling to the ground. He looked down confused at the little envelope and the breath caught in his throat. A letter from Charles again. He picked it up with shaking hands and brought the paper to his chest clutching it tightly to him. Charles wrote to him again, no matter the inside of it, he wrote again. And he’ll probably won’t have a chance again after tomorrow. Erik stood on unsteady legs and walked the short distance from his bunk to the table and lit a lonely candle standing at the table. He opened the envelope carefully wanting to at least have this much of a souvenir when he won’t have Charles at his side anymore.

The letter was a shock to his system. Charles acted in these letters like nothing between them changed. As if they moved forward, but carrying all the things that they shared with them. Erik wasn’t sure if he believed that, but oh, how much he wanted to. There, on this scrawny piece of paper was the essence of his dear friend, the person closest to him and, what he admitted only in the recesses of his mind and only to himself, his first and only true love. Someone who he was going to lose just the next day and who was foolishly excited to see the death come to him. He wiped away the tears that sneaked up on him and took out one of his own sheets of paper. If nothing, Charles deserved one more thing before he died – the truth. And he deserved, even for a while, to pretend that Charles is coming back to him after the raid.

My dearest Charles,

I am sorry if I made you believe being harsh is my way of showing care. It’s not. It’s more of a way to relieve my own frustration and worry. And I worry quite a lot about you. I see not that you’ve matured a lot since I last meeting, but I can’t help, but notice what an extraordinary man you still make. You still maintain an air of innocence and faith that I lack, but with this comes the level-headiness that I don’t remember being your strong suit back at home. I am proud of who you became, even if I don’t show it any regard in the daylight. You must forgive me, for the man I have become here is nothing compared to you.

I am a drunk and my temper has no fuse whatsoever now. I’d rather yell than talk honestly with anyone now and I disregard the worry my friends express for me. I don’t cope well with things anymore and my only regret is that you have to bear witness to my atrocious behaviour. I’ve never wanted to be anything short of good in your eyes. I hope once you’re back at home after this war, you’ll have at least one fond memory of your commander.

I must ask you to disregard anything harsh I may tell you in the next two days. I know there will be lots of tragedies around and I may tell you something I may regret later in a peak of temper. Please, always have the words from this letter in your heart when listening to me.

I’m still utterly convinced there is something along that river. We just haven’t found it yet. Maybe one day, you and your wife (Or maybe a son? A daughter?) will find it. All the legends surrounding that place can’t be false. There’s always a grain of truth in every one of these. And if you wish to know my positions on any subject, you mustn’t be afraid to ask. I promise to tell you honestly this time. Unless you’d rather argue with me, then I’d happily go back to our old habits of discussion for its own sake. I miss hearing so much enthusiasm and happiness in your voice.

I’m glad Raven is doing well for herself. I am a little surprised she hasn’t written to me about her marriage, but I can understand why she wouldn’t. I hope her new spouse will be treating her well. If not, I’m sure you’ll defend her once you’re back home. I must admit it’s a little relief to know she didn’t wait for me. I know your parents basically engaged us both, but I’ve never felt for her more than brotherly love. I’ve never felt for her what I’ve always felt for you. And without it, I’m sure I’d make her only miserable.

Please, be careful.

All my love,

Erik.

P.S.: Come back to me.

He sat for a long time yet staring at the letters mocking him from inside the paper. He wasn’t sure if he should give it to Charles, he knew there would be no reply before the raid, too much things to prepare to have time for writing. But maybe at least it would give the man some additional motivation to come back to trenches. He sighed and tucked the letter safely in the envelope. He still wasn’t entirely sure he was doing the right thing, but better try and be burnt than not try at all. Especially when they had so little time here.

Coming undetected to lower officer’s bunks wasn’t a feat although he’d need to hurry if he wanted to come out unnoticed before the morning bell. He kneeled next to Charles’ bed and looked down at the sleeping man. In a wave of foolishness he pressed the envelope to his lips and tucked it softly under Charles’ hand. He only hoped that the man would have time to read it before going to his death.

No use in going back to sleep, he put on his gear and went up to check on the soldiers.